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  • Breaking Illusions: Insights from My Experience

    Based on this photo, you can guess what had happened?

    Life Update:

    I’ve signed up for a volunteer project filming videos at sea. It’s going to be a challenge, but I’m ready for it.

    Lately, my perspective has shifted after reading Busting Loose from the Money Game by Robert Scheinfeld. His idea that everything is an illusion made my world feel like it was collapsing. It’s completely different from any manifestation or psychology theories I’ve heard, but based on my own experiences, it feels like it could be true. Since it’s free to try, I decided to give his “process” a go. 🤡

    The problem emerged quickly: once I started viewing knowledge and physical things as illusions, I lost interest in a lot of “normal” goals.

    I realized I’m not actually into becoming famous or “successful.” I used to dream of being a successful writer, but that wasn’t my real desire; I just enjoy the act of writing and don’t actually care about the outcome.

    I’ve also lost interest in seeking validation. 🤡 I don’t want to manage others or be managed myself, and I have no desire to change anyone’s opinion. I just don’t care about the “game” anymore, unless I see someone who needs extra help.

    Even if everything is an illusion, I found the things I would still choose to do:

    • Creative Work: Videography, photography, painting, and writing.
    • Production: Creating documentaries and video production.
    • Learning & Health: Reading classics, sports science, exercise, and seeing my physiotherapists.
    • Personal Growth: Traveling, finding a soulmate, moving out, and volunteering.

    Let’s see what happens in the future.Feel free to drop your comments below. 😁

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  • Day 33: Nothing happened

    Zero feedback

    Latest Update:

    Today I spent two hours in the libraries. Everything was the same, no feedback from the hiring managers. At least I have time to read books I like and learn about psychology.

    I will get a job very soon.

  • Day 31: How to abuse your camera’s filters🤡

    I saw small improvements in my photography skills.

    Let’s start with this photo

    Today, I became the volunteer photographer for an activity. To be honest, I didn’t expect to get paid at all. However, at the end of the event, I received some money and had the chance to take quite a few beautiful photos in this stunning location.

    I was mainly responsible for photographing the participants during the activity. But I also spent some time capturing the beautiful scenery around us. During the process, I realized that my photos had better composition than I thought. Many participants even asked me to send the photos to them afterwards.

    Due to privacy reasons, I can’t show the photos of the participants. However, I hope the photos below are enough to show you the beauty of Clear Water Bay Country Park.

    The weather today was quite foggy, but it actually created a special atmosphere. The mist blurred the contours of the mountains, giving the scenes an almost dreamlike, unreal feeling.

    An interesting fact: Although my height is usually a disadvantage in photography, it became a big advantage today. Since most of the participants were children and parents, and the event took place mostly on the ground, I didn’t have to bend down constantly to take photos. That might be why my performance felt better this time. 🤡

    If I were 5’6″ (about 168 cm), I probably would have had a sore back by the end of the day. Following the group up and down the slippery mountain trails was already quite exhausting!

    The old way: Post some photos and create a name for each of them if I can.

    (And messing around with the filters🤡🙈)

    Here are my photos:

    Beginning
    A straight line
    Hope
    Us
    Layersssss
    Experiment
    My unhealthy X-Pros’s addiction 🤡
    The corner
    Addiction No.2

    Please share your thoughts with me!☀️

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  • Day 30: Change of directions

    I am back.

    How it feels to find a satisfying job in Hong Kong

    Latest Update:

    • Recovering from wisdom teeth removal surgery
    • Caught a cold
    • Attended three interviews and completed two written tests (one was super long)
    • Met up with a friend
    • Edited a short video

    Although I’m still waiting for feedback from the hiring managers, I’ve realized that reality is forcing me to change my plans.

    Originally, I was mainly targeting community-based organizations. However, some of the recent interview experiences made me reconsider. The first one went okay, even though the written test was quite complicated. But the second and third ones didn’t go well at all.

    Both hiring managers appreciated my skill sets. However, after watching the video I made and edited myself, one of them asked:

    “Do you appreciate yourself for the fact that you survived alone in Laos for six months as the only person in the department?”

    “You have very strong self-learning skills. But will you be bored by admin tasks? Like filling in Excel forms with numbers all day…”

    “No problem,” I replied.

    Towards the end of the interview, she looked at my expected salary and said, “You wrote HK$20,000 (about 2,553 USD). Is this negotiable?”

    When I shared the questions from the third interview with my friend, she couldn’t stop laughing. For example:

    “You are accompanying a group of wheelchair-bound members to a restaurant. If the escalator was out of service that day, what would you do?”

    “I will enter the mall or restaurant from another entrance.”

    “What if they don’t have a second entrance?”

    “Then I’ll just move to another restaurant.”

    Another question was: “If a member complained that someone else ate three shrimps from the basin cuisine, what would you do?”

    My answer: “I would tell them there’s abalone and other more expensive food available.”

    The interviewers burst out laughing. The whole interview felt quite strange. The written test was even more ridiculous — I had to draft a notice informing the center that it would be closed due to urgent electrical maintenance.

    After these experiences, I’ve decided to pause applying for community-based roles for now.

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  • Day 22: Counseling improved my life

    My new crush made me realize that I didn’t waste the money on counseling.

    Latest Update:

    Finally I went to see the doctor. I got some medicine. Apart from that, I also prepared for tomorrow’s interview. Hope I can get the offer.

    Good news

    Actually, after talking to my new crush yesterday, I gradually realized the psychotherapy worked effectively. I can say that the therapy was way more effective than I expected. However, since I don’t want people around me to know my secret, I removed my personal photos on this website.

    Here is the full-story.

    In the past, even on the first or second meeting with someone new, I would stupidly pour out my trauma and list my achievements, trying to prove my worth. I did them to prove my self-value. Clearly, this is a lack of personal boundary.

    My behavior was very cringe🤦‍♀️.

    Moment of change

    Everything began with my disastrous final year research project.

    I nearly couldn’t submit the project on time due to constant stomach pain, procrastination, and insomnia. I knew the reason very clearly. And the symptoms were too serious that they forced me to take the critical move.

    Things truly started changing until I began to see my counselor in April 2025. Unlike the school counselor, she is an expert in somatic therapy. She uses different therapies to help me releasing the traumatic memories stored in my mind and body. At the same time, she pointed out that I have problems with self-value.

    And she was right.

    After a full year of consistent, rigorous therapy and some big changes to my physical environment, I finally feel like I’m no longer stuck in pure survival mode. Occasionally, the unpleasant things happened in life would make me question the progress of my recovery.

    The worst nightmare of therapy is not the unbearable pain, but the fear of not seeing the end.

    How is it related to my new crush?

    Yesterday, I met my new crush again. We just met each other. I enjoyed the chat so much that I didn’t try to control my mind. I didn’t dump my family trauma or my achievements on my new crush. When she shared her own confusions and uncertainties about life, I wasn’t put off by her “imperfections” at all.

    Most importantly, even though she’s just a crush right now, the uncertainty of where this might go didn’t make me anxious.

    If it doesn’t turn romantic, my new crush could still become a really valuable friend.

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  • Day 21:Things seem to be getting better?

    kauff kaufffffff kkkkkkafffffu! (coughing)

    Dummy’s challenge

    Latest Life Update:

    Received another phone call for interview from another company.

    I may need to see the doctor tomorrow. I am still coughing a lot.

    Although I am recovering, I still have to see my therapist. Realizing it may be a good opportunity to record some video clips and photos, I brought my camera with me.

    During my session, my therapist observed that my body posture became less grounded after reuniting with my family again. I told her that I had to shut down my senses to be sane in the household.

    My therapist told me that I have to move out as soon as possible. Both of us are very clear of the consequences if I go on living with my family. At last, she reminded me to create the calmly, worry-free mode I had in my mind.

    Just like the life in Laos🇱🇦.

    These are the photos I took before and after seeing my therapists. I don’t know why some photos look unclear 😭.

    The front face of the mini-bus.
    From the second floor.

    When I was heading towards the train station, I entered a garden and saw a middle-age man holding a camera. We were observing the old men who were playing Chinese Chess(XiangQi) against each other.

    The man told me he was from Belgium. He visited Sri Lanka and went to Hong Kong due to a flight delay. I was shocked when I heard him said,

    Hong Kong is a place with amazing views. You see the street view!

    The crowded commercial buildings? Or the clement forest? Undeniably, he was right. But it is not the full picture. When you have been facing the tall, lifeless buildings everyday, you won’t find them very pretty at all 😅.

    Not sure about which one is better.
    The tree in the corner of the city
    (Sighed)

    From these photos, you can see that I tried very hard to capture the view from the “bottom” angle. Some worked out, and most failed. It’s very difficult to get the full frame of the buildings. I think the causes are my techniques + equipments’ limitations.

    The most successful(?) attempt?
    ?????
    🤦‍♀️…
    The beam of life
    Try my best to find the best angle.
    Not the best, but not the worst.
    There are many beautiful paintings on the street.

    I then headed to a place to collect the tennis ball I left last Saturday. The host of the sharing session talked to me. She was very friendly and offered many tips on applying jobs for NGOs in Hong Kong. I am glad that I am able to meet people like her in my life. Her genuine sharing made me realize that I am not lagging behind.

    Free free to drop your comments or share your thoughts in the comment section. Looking forward to your feedback. 😃

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