Live for yourself, not others
Just a short update on Day 5.
Today’s event
I met my relatives and had lunch with them. Unsurprisingly, the age gap between us made me found the conversation very boring and lifeless. All they talked about was body check and diet advice.
However, a moment also made me realize that I am not confident enough.
When one of them asked if I would get a master’s degree, I said no. He then lower his voice and said,
” You are not good at studying, so it is of no use to pursue a master’s degree.”
His words sounded unpleasant in my ears. I knew it was because I had grown up in a very toxic family environment that never allowed me to focus on my studies.
My family members struggle with severe mental illness. They often couldn’t control their temper and fought constantly. Their toxic behavior suffocated me emotionally, leaving me drained and unable to concentrate.
(Since I was living in a chaotic household, I would say that if I care about my health and well-being, I can guarantee that I wouldn’t be able to get my degree.)
Despite that, I didn’t fight back or tried to convince him. I understood that it was meaningless to explain to others the difficulties you are facing in life.
I felt like other people didn’t understand my situation, but sometimes you can’t expect everyone will know your backstory. This is a topic I have to work on –
How not to be affected by other people.
I believe that one day I can tackle this issue and live freely.
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