My new crush made me realize that I didn’t waste the money on counseling.
Latest Update:
Finally I went to see the doctor. I got some medicine. Apart from that, I also prepared for tomorrow’s interview. Hope I can get the offer.
Good news
Actually, after talking to my new crush yesterday, I gradually realized the psychotherapy worked effectively. I can say that the therapy was way more effective than I expected. However, since I don’t want people around me to know my secret, I removed my personal photos on this website.
Here is the full-story.
In the past, even on the first or second meeting with someone new, I would stupidly pour out my trauma and list my achievements, trying to prove my worth. I did them to prove my self-value. Clearly, this is a lack of personal boundary.
My behavior was very cringe🤦♀️.
Moment of change
Everything began with my disastrous final year research project.
I nearly couldn’t submit the project on time due to constant stomach pain, procrastination, and insomnia. I knew the reason very clearly. And the symptoms were too serious that they forced me to take the critical move.
Things truly started changing until I began to see my counselor in April 2025. Unlike the school counselor, she is an expert in somatic therapy. She uses different therapies to help me releasing the traumatic memories stored in my mind and body. At the same time, she pointed out that I have problems with self-value.
And she was right.
After a full year of consistent, rigorous therapy and some big changes to my physical environment, I finally feel like I’m no longer stuck in pure survival mode. Occasionally, the unpleasant things happened in life would make me question the progress of my recovery.
The worst nightmare of therapy is not the unbearable pain, but the fear of not seeing the end.
How is it related to my new crush?
Yesterday, I met my new crush again. We just met each other. I enjoyed the chat so much that I didn’t try to control my mind. I didn’t dump my family trauma or my achievements on my new crush. When she shared her own confusions and uncertainties about life, I wasn’t put off by her “imperfections” at all.
Most importantly, even though she’s just a crush right now, the uncertainty of where this might go didn’t make me anxious.
If it doesn’t turn romantic, my new crush could still become a really valuable friend.
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