This is my personal reflection—no judgment on others’ choices
Cheating is either nonexistent or everywhere—there’s no in-between.
by unknown
Growing up in a traditional Hong Kong family, no one had ever taught me what was “Cheating”. I learned this term from the newspaper, local soap drama, and stories told by the adults.
Since I was in surrounded by adults who emphasized the importance of morality, long ago I had been educated that “cheating” was an unforgivable sin.
Whenever my mum saw the characters in the soap drama cheating on his or her partners, she would say,
“OMG! They are cheating. He is a bad guy!”
And it explained why my attitude towards cheaters are quite negative.
Confusion in disguise
Despite I had never approved this behavior, a question had lingered in my mind for a long time:
Why won’t the cheater’s friend or family members inform their partners the truth? Why?
When I was reading the news or stories, I saw people was worrying that destroying their relationship with their friends, or it can fire back.
I was very naive 👧🏻. So I thought,
“In the future, if I know anyone cheated on his or her partner, I must tell that person the truth. It’s so easy. Just spill the beans and everything will be fine.”
The first moment of change
After graduating from my secondary school, I entered a university where most students were relatively innocent and simple-minded. Most students don’t care about future, money or frame.
They love playing mobile and computer games only. And I rarely heard about anyone cheating or having a drama over relationships.
Things changed until I met my former friend, who was pursuing her second degree.
The victim of victim
On one occasion she complained about being mistreated by her boyfriend. Then she said,
“Actually, I have feelings towards my classmate. He is a hot dude. Compared with my boyfriend, he is taller and knows how to flirt with girls. But he is a playboy.”
I was silent at the moment. But I was overwhelmed with a mixed feelings. As a woman, I had a positive attitude towards fellow women. I thought every woman will be loyal to their partner like what I saw in the past.
Before that, she told me that her boyfriend pay for her rent and helped her to do the housework. I couldn’t believe that she would betray her boyfriend. Although the dynamic of their relationship was very unhealthy, cheating was not an excuse.
Ironically, although I found her behavior disappointing, I didn’t become the justice warrior I yearned for when I was young. Even when I encountered the same incident afterwards, I found myself have become the person in the “not my backyard” meme.
The rational behind my impassiveness
Sometimes I reflect on the rationale behind my action, and I concluded three reasons.
- Fear of trouble/backlash
- Disinterest in their partners
- Risk to own relationships/reputation
Reason one is very simple. If I tell him or her the truth, it could get me into trouble very easily. Even though that person is my friend, I can’t predict the consequences. Life is easy during good times. Yet, if it is related to personal interest, that’s a different story.
For number 2, it is more like a personal preference. I don’t have enough stamina to deal with my daily tasks already, why would I care about my friend’s partners? They are their partners, not mine.
This is the most selfish reason. It started with human nature. Even if I successfully reported the incident to the victim, they may think I am lying. If they don’t believe in it, they can become mad and you and your reputation may get affected.
Exceptional case
Unless the victim is my friend and he or she is going to marry the cheater(s).
Typing this blog post makes me realize how rational and practical I am. It also make me realize that being a good person is very difficult in the reality. Having the will to save other people is good, but it is an art that requires wisdom and understanding towards human nature.
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